Thursday, April 10, 2008

All In Good Time, My Dear

For the past several years, my teaching schedule has been very full. I'm paid by the course, so the more courses the better!

This semester, however, three of my scheduled classes were canceled at the last minute, leaving me with a VERY short schedule and even less money than usual. At first I was actually despondent, wondering WHY and what were we going to do? I was trembling with fear of the unknown, and since I've never had much free time in my whole life, I really wondered how I would make it through this very difficult time. I cried, and I prayed, and I despaired (always a waste of time and energy) and I asked the universe what was going on. What was this for? Why? How will we pay our bills? Was I going to lose my last excuse for not doing housework?

But mostly just WHY?

But now I think I know why.

If I had my usual extremely full schedule, there would be nobody to take my MIL to her radiation treatments. With my very abbreviated schedule, I am able to do that for her.

So I have changed my attitude from "What are we going to do? My schedule has been cut and we're poorer than ever!" to "Thank goodness my schedule has been cut! Now I can take my MIL to her clinic every day!"

Maybe things really do happen for a reason. I have a list of happenings that are still upsetting and puzzling me, but even those helped make it possible for me to help my MIL.

When we are despondent and cry to the heavens "WHY?" maybe "You'll find out" is a viable answer. Because, you know, sometimes we really do find out. Later, or in due time, or after while, or eventually, but we really do find out.