Monday, April 02, 2007

Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam. . . Okay, You Know The Drill

Lovely spam, wonderful spa-a-m,
Lovely spam, wonderful S Spam,
Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am,
Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am,
SPA-A-A-A-A-A-A-AM,
SPA-A-A-A-A-A-A-AM,
LOVELY SPAM, LOVELY SPAM,
LOVELY SPAM, LOVELY SPAM,
LOVELY SPA-A-A-A-AM...
SPA-AM, SPA-AM, SPA-AM, SPA-A-A-AM

It was fun being a baby boomer. . . until now.

Some of the artists of the 60s are revising
their hits with new lyrics to accommodate
aging baby boomers.

I don't mind being a boomer but the word
 "aging" hits me in a bad place.

But oh well.  It's better to be aging
than to be decomposing, like Beethoven.

Ahem.  Back to this re-worked music.

Some of the titles include:

Herman's Hermits--Mrs. Brown, You've Got A
 Lovely Walker

Ringo Starr--I Get By With a Little Help
From Depends

The Bee Gees--How Can You Mend A
 Broken Hip

Bobby Darin--Splish, Splash, I Was Havin'
A Flash

Roberta Flack--The First Time Ever I
Forgot Your Face

Johnny Nash--I Can't See Clearly Now

Paul Simon--Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver

The Commodores--Once, Twice, Three Times
to the Bathroom

Marvin Gaye--Heard It Through the Grape Nuts

Procol Harem--A Whiter Shade of Hair

Leo Sayer--You  Make Me Feel Like Napping

The Temptations--Papa's Got a Kidney Stone

Abba--Denture Queen

Tony Orlando--Knock Three Times on the
Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall

Helen Reddy--I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore

Leslie Gore--It's My Procedure, and
I'll Cry If I Want To


and last, but not least,


Willie Nelson--On the Commode Again

I've got a lecture in twenty minutes and
it takes me fifteen to drive to the college,
so try not to picture me hyperventilating
in front of a roomful of students.

Before I leave I have to scour the house. 
Not to clean it, mind you; to try to find
vending machine money.  Fifteen cents more
and I can get in the car  and go to school.

I bet you thought that "absent-minded professor"
thing was pure Disney.  Guess again.