Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Hey Wes, Remember This One?

The new Carnival of Education is up; click HERE and go check it out.

In a couple of weeks, I will have been blogging for three years, and something is happening: When I remember something from the past that might be bloggable, I have to stop and think whether or not I might have already blogged it. Since I post almost daily, it's getting harder and harder to search my archives to find out.

Oh, I know, there's that 'search' thing at the top of all blogger blogs, but it never works for me.

Therefore, if you've heard this one before, just bear with me. I'm an old lady and we have memory lapses.

I think. I really don't remember.

Over on BlogHer they're saying that the Equal Rights Amendment is in the news again. Shades of the past!!!!!

I should have saved all my ERA NOW t-shirts. Of course, they were all size S and M, but I could sew them all together and come out with one that fit me now. Moot point.

Back in the seventies, the ERA was a big deal. I understood why, yet I never understood why.

You see, in the Fascinating World of Grammar, masculine pronouns are also generic pronouns; in other words, "he, him, his, himself" can refer to either sex, or both at once, and the word "man" can mean simply "human."

Knowing this, the wording of certain documents such as the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence and others, has never bothered me.

It is the people who didn't pay attention in 5th grade English class who don't 'get' it.

In other words, when I read the words ". . . all men are created equal. . . ." I'm not offended because I know that the word "men" includes both sexes, legally speaking.

I'm all for equal rights, and equality of opportunity, but I am also smart enough to know that there is no way under the sun that all men will ever be absolutely 'equal.' Nor should they be.

I've read "Harrison Bergeron." Is that what people want? I think not. Then why are so many people trying to lead us in that direction? It's not going to work. It's wrong.

No, there will always be those who are smarter, better looking, more talented, nicer, meaner, uglier, stupider, more graceful, less graceful. . . . in other words, "more" anything than someone else.

I do not believe in handicapping, not for sports, not for anything. How condescending. "You poor thing, we're giving you 200 points to start because everybody and their brother know you haven't got a snowball's chance in hell of winning unless we spot you."

Back off, oh condescending one. I'll do this on my own or not at all. It's not a real victory if you're 'spotted' from the beginning. Oh sure, someone might "win," but not really, and everybody knows it. What a joke.

A woman on the football team? Hell yeah, IF she can play really, really well, in fact, better than the others who are also trying out for the team. Nobody gets a spot unless they can really do it.

A woman on the job? Hell yeah, IF she can do the job entirely on her own, without being 'spotted' in order to get it done.

And those two paragraphs up there? The same applies to any man who wants to play or work or whatever.

In other words, gender doesn't matter. It's whether or not the person can perform. Who cares what gender the person is? If they want to go for it, let them go for it. And let the ones who can actually do it, get it.

If a person can't, the person doesn't deserve the spot. Yoda was right. "Do, or do not. There is no 'try.'"

The ERA is a redundant issue for people who paid attention in fifth grade, but if it makes someone feel more comfortable having more gender-specific pronouns on the books, then so be it.

In this town, there were two old women who did not pay attention when they were in the fifth grade. Back in the seventies, they were greatly opposed to the ERA. Their hobby was writing letters to the editor. Really, really stupid letters. People looked forward to their letters. People cut their letters out and pasted them in scrapbooks and laughed over them in casual conversation. People subscribed to our incredibly lame newspaper just to get these two women's letters.

One of my favorite letters was about what would surely happen in the military if the ERA were passed. There were people in this town who believed it. Sad, huh. Sadder still, these people probably still believe it.

The gist of the letter was this: If the ERA is passed, then our daughters, as well as our sons, will be drafted. And if our daughters are drafted, they will have to share sleeping quarters with the men. And if our daughters share sleeping quarters with the men, they will have to shower with the men. And if our daughters shower with the men. . . . .







. . . .they might get hit in the ass with a rolled-up towel.

That's right, friends. If the ERA is passed, the price of towels will go up because of all those army men rolling them up to hit your daughters with them, in the shower. On one of their private parts.

Army. Private. I crack myself up sometimes.

So beware. Encourage your children to pay attention in fifth grade grammar class. It might behoove some of you to take a little peek into the pronoun chapter yourselves.

I do buy ERA detergent sometimes, but only if it's on sale.