Wednesday, January 31, 2007

The Phallic Classroom

Let's move away from controversy for a moment and focus on. . . . .how I make the most incredible blunders, ALL THE TIME.

Today, for example.

Topic: North Pole. Reason: Tangent (often the source of the most wondrous learning of all).

Blunder: On the board, I drew a picture of the Earth, with a pole at the North. I tried to make it look like one of those illustrations from a medieval map, but instead, it looked exactly like a gigantic penis. I did not notice that it looked exactly like a gigantic penis until I had pointed to it and discussed it for a full five minutes. My hands were all over it.

When the giggling became really loud, something told me to step back and look more closely at the North Pole. I started laughing, and couldn't stop. We all laughed hysterically, for a another full five minutes, without drawing a breath. When the next page in our book dealt with the Castrati, the theme for the afternoon was set.

Ten minutes later, the director stuck her head into the classroom and asked if anyone knew anything about Unix.

It went downhill from there. Or uphill, depending upon your value system.

Or just down and then up, if your mind is in the gutter like ours. Or maybe just mine.

Anyway, back to the North Pole. . . .

When I tried to erase it with my fingers and the smudges made it look even more like a penis than before, we all laughed even harder. Finally, I found a whiteboard eraser in a drawer and the penis disappeared.

Or did it. When we turned off the lights at the end of the class, the erased global penis glowed like a poster in a black light hippie parlor.

We all slunk out of the building and went home. The end.

P.S. Whoever is in that classroom tomorrow morning is in for a surprise. I'll be in a different classroom, but I'll be keeping my ears open for shrieks. Whether the shrieks be of laughter or horror, I know not, but if the professor is any kind of cool at all, the shrieks will be of the mirthful kind.

P.P.S. Also, the term "North Pole" now has a new meaning.

P.P.P.S. Our book telling us that ". . . the Pole may be 'up,' but the focus is always down South. . . . ." didn't help matters, either.

Mamacita, Scheiss Weekly