Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Helpful Hints from a Helpful Lazy Housekeeper

(Blogger refuses to let me post any pictures again today. Use your imaginations and picture a big Budweiser can RIGHT HERE.)

Amazing!

1. Budweiser beer conditions the hair.
2. Pam cooking spray will dry fingernail polish.
3 Cool Whip will condition your hair in 15 minutes.
4. Mayonnaise will KILL LICE; it will also condition your hair.
5. Elmer's Glue - paint on your face, allow it to dry, peel off and see the dead skin and blackheads. (if any)
6. Shiny Hair - use brewed Lipton Tea as a rinse.
7. Sunburn - empty a large jar of Nestea into your bath water.
8. Minor burn - Colgate or Crest toothpaste.
9. Burn your tongue? Put sugar on it!
10. Arthritis? WD-40. Spray and rub in; killsl insect stings, too.
11, Bee stings - meat tenderizer.
12. Chigger bite - Preparation H.
13. Puffy eyes - Preparation H.
14. Paper cut - crazy glue or chap stick (glue is used instead of sutures at most hospitals)
15. Stinky feet - jello.
16. Athletes foot - cornstarch; just dust it on.
17. Fungus on toenails or fingernails - Vicks vapo- rub.
18. Kool-Aid will clean dishwasher pipes. Just put in the detergent section and run a cycle. It will also clean a toilet. (Wow, and we drink this stuff) (Well, maybe YOU do.)
19. Kool- Aid in Dannon plain yogurt is a great finger paint; your kids will love it and it won't hurt them if they eat it!
20. Peanut butter - will get scratches out of CD's! Wipe off with a coffee filter paper.
21. Sticking bicycle chain - Pam no-stick cooking spray.
22. Pam will also remove paint and grease from your hands! Keep a can in your garage.
23. Peanut butter will remove ink from the faces of dolls.
24. When the doll clothes are hard to put on, sprinkle with corn starch and watch them slide on. This works for people, too.
25. Heavy dandruff - pour on the vinegar!
26. Body paint - Crisco mixed with food coloring. Heat the Crisco in the microwave, pour in to an empty film container and mix with the food color of your choice!
27. Tie Dye T-shirt - mix a solution of Kool Aid in a container, tie a rubber band around a section of the T-shirt and soak.
28. Preserving a newspaper clipping - large bottle of club soda and a cup of milk of magnesia: soak for 20 min. and let dry, will last for many years!
29. A Slinky will hold toast and CD's!
30. To keep goggles and glasses from fogging, coat with Colgate toothpaste
31. Wine stains: pour on the Morton salt and watch it absorb into the salt.
32. To remove wax - Take a paper towel and iron it over the wax stain, it will absorb into the towel.
33. Remove labels from glassware etc: rub with peanut butter!
34. Baked on food - fill container with water, get a Bounce paper softener and the static from the towel will cause the baked on food to adhere to it. Soak overnight. Also; you can use 2 Efferdent tablets, soak overnight!
35. Crayon on the wall - Colgate toothpaste and brush it!
36. Dirty grout - Listerine
37. Stains on clothes - Colgate. If it's ink, hair spray.
38. Grass stains - Karo Syrup
39. Grease Stains - Coca Cola, it will also remove grease stains from the driveway overnight. We know it will take corrosion from car batteries, but Red Creme soda is best for that!
40. Fleas in your carpet? 20 Mule Team Borax- sprinkle and let stand for 24 hours.
41. To keep fresh flowers, add a little Clorox, or 2 Bayer aspirin, or just use 7-up instead of water.
42. When you go to buy bread in the grocery store, have you ever wondered which is the freshest, so you "squeeze" for freshness or softness? Don't squeeze any more. Did you know that bread is delivered fresh to the stores five days a week? Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Each day has a different color twist tie. They are: Monday = Blue, Tuesday = Gr een, Thursday = Red Friday = White and Saturday = Yellow. So if today was Thursday, you would want red twist tie; not white which is Fridays (almost a week old)! The colors go alphabetically by color Blue- Green - Red - White - Yellow, Monday through Saturday. Very easy to remember. Check out the bread shelves in the grocery store and the bread wrappers DO have different twist ties, and even the ones with the plastic clips have different colors. You learn something new everyday! Enjoy fresh bread when you buy bread with the right color on the day you are shopping.

Don't think for a moment that I am a whiz-bang housekeeper. Martha Stewart would pass out cold with horror if she stopped in unexpectedly. I'm a so-so housekeeper. Most 'household hints' come from the heads of lazy people; we're always looking for an easier way to do something.

Most of these hints aren't original, either. I got most of them from my beautiful friend Irene (she is an extremely busy school librarian and the wife of the equally busy (and beautiful) professor/politician, John Orman), a few from other spams over the ages, and a few from experience.

Regarding my previous post: doesn't anybody else play "Grow" online?