Thursday, December 29, 2005

Sometimes I feel I've got to (bang bang) run away, I've got to (bang bang) get away. . . . .

I wonder why it is that a man with several advanced college degrees in all kinds of sciences and mathematics, doesn't know how to shut a door or drawer?

It's not rocket science, you know. If it opens out, it pushes back. It's a lovely combination of physics and etiquette.

It's not difficult.

And if I bump into one more open drawer or door in the dark, I'm going to dump the contents of the drawer or cabinet on someone's head. It also really bothers me when I go into the kitchen and see every drawer and every cabinet hanging open, and no one in sight. It bothers me even more in the middle of the night when I walk smack into the sharp corner of an open drawer of 'someone's' bureau on my way to the bathroom library.

And don't even get me started on the roll of toilet paper that's balanced on top of the spindle.

Actually, it's balanced on top of the spindle that contains a roll of toilet paper that still has a few yards of tissue on it. But we all know that those last few yards are tainted and must never be used. No, no, we must always get out a new roll and balance it on TOP of the old roll.

And the milk!!!!! I guess those last few inches of milk in the bottle are tainted, too, because 'someone' in this house always opens the new bottle when the old bottle still has a good full glass or three left in it.

We're on a very strict budget, and these things really bother me. Especially the open drawer/cabinet door thing. Because, you know, OUCH.

And while I'm ranting about tainted things, I guess the bottom of mini-blinds must be untouchable, too. Why can't 'someone' open mini-blinds and leave them hanging EVEN? I know 'someone' who doesn't know how to straighten them. Any mini-blind raised by him is crooked. I do not want my house to look like a frat house from the road. I want all the mini-blinds to be even. If you can't raise them and leave them straight, don't raise them. Just open them up so you can see out and/or get some air. No, NO, use the LEVER, not your fingers. Honestly.

If they had hired me to write for Seinfeld, it would still be on the air.