Tuesday, December 13, 2005

I am a licensed curmudgeon.

1. Even if you DO take your children to McDonald's for supper, it is still considered gauche to allow them to jump up and down in the booths so hard the drinks vibrate on the table in the next booth over. McDonald's has a play area for your child, if he can't sit still. Please utilize it.

2. Remember that airplane scene in "Kindergarten Cop?" Remember how Ahnold endured the obnoxious little boys in the seats behind him until he snapped, and showed the worst of the two what would happen to him if he didn't calm down and behave? Remember how it WORKED? That scene was going through my mind at McDonald's tonight. I'm not brave enough to do it, though.

3. Thinking of "Kindergarten Cop" made me want to see it again, so when I got home I put it in the player and sat back. When the airplane scene came on, I leaned forward and smiled. And when Ahnold grabbed the abusive "father" and slammed him into the car, I smiled even wider. I honestly think that scene is one of the many fantasies every teacher has. Just once, we would all like to tell a scumbag child-beater what we really think of him, and slam the worthless abusive bum into a car and break something. (Not on the car. People need cars. What people do NOT need is a child-beater. If you know one, turn him in. If you ARE one, go to hell.)

Oh, what the heck. I'm tired of holding back. Some day I'll tell you how I really feel about them.

4. I went for ten years thinking Chicken McNuggets were something to be avoided at all costs, that they were made of beaks and claws and nether regions and ground feathers and offal. I still think they are. So, why do I want them now? Is it a kind of pica? Are they really better than gnawing wood or eating the corners off paper or devouring dirt or sneaking downstairs in the night and eating the face out of a jack o'lantern? Probably not. But for some reason, at this point in time, I want some. With bbq sauce.

5. The Post Office is really busy at this time of the year. What is up with all the old women * in there this afternoon, with bags full of unwrapped gifts, holding up the line while they ask for a box, ask for tape, ask for styrofoam, ask for labels, and then stand there still holding up a long, long line while they pack the box, tape the box, label the box, and mail the box? On behalf of myself and all the nine million others in that line who did all of those things at home before we drove to the Post Office: That's NOT how it's done! Do all of that before you go there! Everybody in line hates you! And stop trying to have lengthy conversations with the busy clerks who are trying to wait on people! Are you that lonely? Go volunteer somewhere. **

6. I am in a bad mood.

*Yes, older even than I am.
**They were all seemingly able-bodied and obviously bored and apparently lonely. Those things are no excuse for public rudeness. If they did something useful on a regular basis, maybe it would perk them up and open their eyes.

7. Did I mention that I'm in a bad mood? I'm not even sure why. Old curmudgeons like me don't need a reason.

P.S. Why do people who don't work outside the home, and have all the time in the world to run around and get things done, still do their errands during the busiest times of the day for working people who DON'T have much time? I mean, jeepers! When I was home with my two babies, I carved my whole day into segments where I could do my business during the times when I would least inconvenience working people with limited time resources. I would NEVER place myself and my kids where someone who worked might be held up by us. I timed their naps (such as they were) to accommodate rush hours and lunch hours for other people. When working people were trying to fit lunch and errands into their one lone free hour, we stayed home and out of their way. I still think this is only courteous. Am I the only one?

P.P.S. I'm in a bad mood. I think it's all those footprints on the moon.