Tuesday, September 06, 2005

It's time to call out the Aisle Police, and to give them the POWER.

Isn't it a rule of etiquette that people in the grocery store should treat the aisles like streets, and stay on the right side? Did I just dream that rule?

Because people who slowwwwwly meander down the middle, and then stop abruptly and leave their cart right smack in the middle of the aisle so they can reach both shelves equi-distantly really tick me off. They're always slow as pondwater and they completely block the aisles so polite people who are obey the traffic rules can't get by.

People who go the wrong way down the aisle also annoy me. As do canoodling couples who have to walk side-by-side, thus blocking both sides of the aisle. And people who decide to have a personal conversation right smack in the middle of an aisle, blocking all access by others. Finish shopping and go have coffee somewhere, or at least block some aisle that's less traveled. Yeah, go over there and block the Bufferin aisle or something. Just get away from the milk, ok?

Don't even get me started about parents who walk away from a cart with a child in it, "just for a moment." Because, you know, that bottle of Heinz Ketchup you forgot to grab, back there on aisle 3, is IMPORTANT, dammit. Oh wait, I've already ranted about this subject. Sorry.

I like Heinz Ketchup too, but I don't like it more than a child's safety. Priorities, people.

And what about people who don't stop at the end of an aisle and look to see if anybody's coming before pulling out and turning into the next aisle? Hello, you're not the only shopper in the store, Grandma. Look both ways. Aisles are little streets. Carts are little cars.

Do we need to install traffic lights at the end of every aisle? Paint a yellow line down the middle? Well, do we? Maybe we do, sheesh, because heaven knows people aren't using their common sense. Give them a cart and a handful of coupons and a trip to the store becomes some kind of race, and good manners are checked at the door. Every man for himself.

Step away from the Hostess cupcakes, kid. Step away and nobody will get hurt. Go back to your parent; why are you running wild through the store anyway? It's not nice to run wild in a public place. Especially a crowded public place full of people who have easy access to frozen pork tenderloins that can be used as weapons. Don't think it hasn't occurred to people.

Even in a crowded store, people in a hurry and people NOT in a hurry could both be accommodated and happy if everybody would just obey the traffic rules.

Yes. I think a Grocery Aisle Police Force is in order. I want one.