Monday, September 26, 2005

I can't believe I said it. I'm so ashamed.

I am still spitting fire, and I pity anyone who had to put up with me this afternoon. My apologies, seriously; I know it wasn't pleasant.

Back at the middle school, I seldom had discipline problems. Oh, there were a few, but for the most part, my kids were pretty well-behaved. Piddling issues that some teachers might have made a big deal out of were largely ignored by me, therefore disappearing after a few futile tries, and I never paid any attention to gum-chewing at all. (My desks were the only ones WITHOUT gum stuck to the bottoms, by the way. . . .) I saved my ire for the big things, and really, there aren't very many.

Standards at the college level are even higher. Even when students don't show up, turn anything in, or fail, they are expected to behave as adults, and up until today, most of them did so without exception.

Today, however, I had, in my second class, a very large man who threw paper wads.

An adult, who threw paper wads in class. You know, like sixth graders do? Only this was an adult. A college student. A very tall, very large man.

An adult who has only been to class three times this year (out of 11 sessions) and who begged for a second chance to make up his missed work so like a fool I gave him the stack and a deadline, and who then proceeded to disrupt the class for an hour and fifteen minutes with his stupid juvenile assholian antics, and who came up to me after class, pointed to himself and laughingly said, "Yo, that was me all that time!"

I am angry all out of proportion. But honestly, I think maybe I am madder at myself than at him. Because the shock of someone at this level acting so ignorant caused me to lose my mind for a moment and say something truly horrible.

I want to apologize to the world at large for saying what I said to him.

Granted, it WAS momentarily satisfying, but only momentarily.

No seriously, I apologize.

Of course, extreme political incorrectness CAN put a spotlight on stupidness like nothing else can. Even so. . . . I was wrong to say what I said and I'm truly sorry.

Now.