Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Batman Begins, in, among, and around the ads

We went to see "Batman Begins" this afternoon before the prices went up at six. It was awesome. They completely re-did the storyline but this time it worked. Christian Bale was the perfect Bruce Wayne AND Batman, Michael Caine was the perfect Alfred, and Katie Holmes was perky ADHD almost-a-pedophile Tom Cruise's perky look-I'm-a-grownup-now high school crush. I mean, Gotham City's assistant D.A. Same thing, whatever.

Liam Neeson was superb, as he channeled both Qui-Gon Jinn and Oskar Schindler, and all the crooks were appropriately and properly right out of the Superman tv show starring George Reeves. I swear I saw Perry White a couple of times on the screen, and I think they must have cloned Claude Akins for this movie. Claude was from this town, so his image is everywhere. I know him when I see him. The mad doctor looked like the offspring of James Spader and Myoshi Umeki.

The special effects were awesome. The batcave was dark and damp and wet and full of, well, bats. The flashbacks were effective and very well done.

Did I mention that Alfred was awesome? I've always been a big Alfred fan.

The musical score was great, too.

Really, the only sour note for this entire theater experience was the cheap and patronizing reel of local advertisements. Whoever thought of showing commercials in the theater should be publically hung. I would never give any business that advertised in a theater a nickel. In fact, I hate businesses who take advantage of a captive audience in a theater. Hate. Did you see that word? HATE. I despise the 'service' that puts local businesspeople on the screen in a theater, to try and sell me something when I've PAID TO SEE A MOVIE. A movie and a shipload of previews. That's all I want to see on the screen, PREVIEWS, lots of them, and then my MOVIE. I hate all businesses who advertise in the movie theater. HATE HATE HATE. Those advertisements are offensive and condescending and everyone involved in them should be ashamed.

Also, the hairdressers who did their own commercial all looked like hookers, and talked like Alabama slumchicks. No offense intended to smart people in or from Alabama who know that monotones are bad, and monotones mixed with poor grammar and pronunciation are even worse and make any product, even free gold bars, seem cheap and undesireable.

Michael Caine was perfect as Alfred.

The Batmobile was great, too.

I'd probably take a free gold bar from an Alabama slumchick but I'd have to wash it off good when I got it home. And I'd keep on complaining.

Wouldn't you think that hairdressers in even a sleazy local ad would have good hair? Do they do each other's hair? I wouldn't TOUCH that shop.

Who was it who first conceived the notion of theater advertisements for a captive audience? I hope he realizes how hated he is. I'm sure he's regretting his idea all the way to the bank.

That's "he" in the universal generic pronoun sense. But all of you knew that already. I only defined it in case anyone who digs those local theater ads was reading.

(Some of the syndicated ads are funny. Annoying but funny. It's those local ads that suck.) (I'd pay extra for no ads at all!)

You really should go and see this movie. Michael Caine rocked as Alfred.

Besides which, this movie also has Morgan Freeman. He's not playing God this time, except for the fact that any role he plays is God.

And I do love it when a snotty CEO gets his.