Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Weirdest

Look, everyone, all my money worries are over!

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FROM:NEW HOPE LOTTERY INTERNATIONALNIEUWE ZIJDS VOORBURGWAL, NL- 1009 CEHAMSTERDAM NETHERLANDSREF NUMBER: NHL/653/029/03/SABATCH NUMBER: AT-040-SB06.

DEAR SIR/MADAM,

We are pleased to inform you, THAT AS A RESULT OF OUR RECENT LOTTERYDRAWS HELD on the 31ST March 2005.Your e-mail address attached to ticket number: 27511465896-6410 with Serialnumber 4204-777 drew lucky numbers 5-21-23-34-61-72 which consequently wonin the 1st category.

You have therefore been approved for a lump sum payout of 2,500,000 (EUROS)(Two MILLION, Five hundred thousand EUROS)

Note that All participants in this lottery program have been selectedrandomly through a computer ballot system drawn from over 200,000 companiesand 30,000,000 individual email addresses from all search engines and websites.

This promotional program takes place every year, and is promoted andsponsored by eminent personalities like the Sultan of Brunei, Bill Gates ofMicrosoft Inc and other corporate organizations.

This is to encourage theuse of the internet and computers worldwide.For security purposes and clarity, we advise that you keep your winninginformation confidential until your claims have been processed and yourmoney remitted to you.

This is part of our security protocol to avoiddouble claims and unwarranted abuse of this program by some participants.

We look forward to your active participation in our next year USD50 millionslot.

You are requested to contact your claims clearance officer as named below,to assist you with the processing of your winnings and subsequentpayments.

All winnings must be claimed not later than one month after thedate of This notice.

Please note, in order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications,remember to quote your reference number and batch number in allcorrespondence. Furthermore, should there be any change of address doinform our agent As soon as possible.

Congratulations once more and thank you for being part of our Promotionalprogram.

NOTE: YOU ARE AUTOMATICALLY DISQUALIFIED IF YOU ARE BELOW 21 YEARS OFAGE.

Sincerely yours,Mrs. Janet Freiburg,(LOTTERY COORDINATOR)CLAIMS AGENT:Mr. Tony WaleStandard Securities and Vault Services.mailto:Services.tony_wale1967b@yahoo.co.uk

STATEMENT OF CONFIDENTIALITY The information contained in this electronic message and any attachmentsmay contain confidential or privileged information intended for theexclusive use of the addressee(s). If you are not the intended recipient,please notify the sender by reply e-mail and destroy all copies of theoriginal message and any attachments. In accordance with ElectronicCommunications Privacy Act, 18 U.S.C.§§ 2510-2521.",0]
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Congratulations once more and thank you for being part of our Promotionalprogram.NOTE: YOU ARE AUTOMATICALLY DISQUALIFIED IF YOU ARE BELOW 21 YEARS OFAGE.Sincerely yours,Mrs. Janet Freiburg,(LOTTERY COORDINATOR)CLAIMS AGENT:Mr. Tony WaleStandard Securities and Vault Services.tony_wale1967b@yahoo.co.ukSTATEMENT OF CONFIDENTIALITYThe information contained in this electronic message and any attachmentsmay contain confidential or privileged information intended for theexclusive use of the addressee(s). If you are not the intended recipient,please notify the sender by reply e-mail and destroy all copies of theoriginal message and any attachments. In accordance with ElectronicCommunications Privacy Act, 18 U.S.C.§§ 2510-2521.

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I'm so lucky. I know I'm the only recipient of this letter, because I'm the WINNER. Funny, I don't exactly remember entering but hey. Technicality. Soon I shall be rich.

Soon I shall be living a life of ease.

Soon all my bills shall be paid up.

Soon I shall owe no one.

Soon I shall have no overdue payments.

Soon I shall have no payments at all.

I will be rich.

I will be famous.

I will be thin.

I will be gorgeous and sought -after.

Monkeys might fly out of my butt.

Pigs will fly.

Lead will turn to gold.

No one will ever grow old.

I shall resign from my slot as a Jerry's Kid.

Did I mention the flying pigs?

What kind of people believe this scheiss? I swear, some folks need a keeper.

Actually, I could use a keeper. . . . . Do they do windows?

Sometimes I think that people who fall for that stuff deserve the consequences.

Sometimes I think that people who put out that stuff deserve to be dragged out into the streets and shot.

And then I remember that I once fell for a scam . . . . .And that sometimes people don't prey on the stupid as much as they prey on the trusting, and the helpful.

And then I feel like punching the wall and screaming.

And then I eat a bunch of cupcakes, and I feel better. Also, the sugar buzz makes me type fast.

And then I'm myself again, whoever THAT is.

Stupid spammers. Stupid scammers. Stupid suckers. Stupid f. . . . .

Whoops. Hey. It might rhyme, but I just don't use that kind of language on my blog.

Unless I'm really ticked off. Or unless it's a quote. Or unless I just feel like it. Or for any reason or rationalization I decide on.

Tonight, I decided against it.

Tomorrow, I might not. Who knows? Mamacita is an enigma, a mysterious and shadowy figure who wanders the night and looks into your windows and blogs about your oddities.

Oh wait, those were my windows, and my oddities. My bad.

I am the blogger mater. I am bigger than any two of you. I do as I please. Because I can.

Why is that? Because I am the blogger mater. And because I said so.

If that's all right with you.

Did I mention that I'm just a tad high on NyQuil right now? That's good stuff. All green and packing a punch.

Nyquil. The drug of choice for sleep-deprived moms everywhere.