Saturday, January 15, 2005

Put down the banana before it kills you.

If your doctor tells you that your potassium levels are dangerously high, please follow his directions.

And just because you eat your breakfast early in the morning does NOT mean you can disregard your doctor's instructions and warnings while doing so. This is NOT the same as a weight-loss diet.

With a weight-loss diet, everybody KNOWS you can eat anything you want as long as it's before noon. After that, it all goes straight to your butt. Before that, it disappears before it can put out roots. For some reason I'm still fat. I don't understand it.

But with potassium levels, no matter what time of day you eat that banana, it could kill you.

Please, dear sweet MIL, when you come home from the hospital tomorrow, NO MORE BANANAS FOR YOU. And if I have to go over there and search your house for your hidden stash, I will.

It's only a BANANA. It's not like it was a Reese's Cup or strawberry ice cream. You can deal with banana-less cereal.

Yes, we understand that it was only one banana.

It only takes one bullet, too.

Please. Put down the banana and step away from the table.

And come home tomorrow and do without them. Pretend they're phallic. That's right. NOW you'll get away from them, I know you.

Actually, you don't really have to pretend, do you. . . . . .

I don't mean you personally.

I don't mean me, either. HEAVENS to Betsy, what were you all thinking?

Yeah. Me too.