Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Warning: political incorrectness ahead.

People with no concept of personal space are either clueless idiots, or just inconsiderate creeps. Not much of a choice, is there.

Tonight's rant is about people who have no concept of personal space when parking their car in a large grocery store lot with PLENTY of empty spaces.

Why do these people insist on parking their car right smack on the elbow of another car? Are they really that stupid? Apparently they are, because they do it. And stupidity is the only reason I can think of, for doing such a thing.

When I came out of the grocery store tonight, there still were very few cars in the lot, all spaced appropriately except for the brand-new white Cadillac (the ugliest car ever made, by the way) parked right next to my car, so close to the driver's door, I couldn't open it. I had to get in through the passenger door, and climb over, all the while hating the people who owned the Cadillac (voted 'car of choice' by geezers with more money than taste).

I am large and singularly ungraceful, and I'm sure the security people inside the store are still rolling on the floor laughing.

Actually, I giggled almost all the way home, at the thought of the show I must have put on for their cameras.

Fortunately, I had heeded my mother's advice and worn my good underwear. Although pretty underwear on a woman my size is pretty much a moot point. Picture a snowman in lingerie. Is that attractive? No, it's merely ludicrous.

Jean Kerr described putting a swimsuit on a fat woman as just like trying to put sheets on a waterbed. I'm a big fat chick, and I find that description not only embarassingly accurate, but also hilariously funny. Hey, just because a girl is huge doesn't mean she has no sense of humor! That's funny! Go ahead and laugh!

Another description I found funny was an article describing a fat woman's bikini as "two rubber bands on an egg." Again, hilarious. But seriously, ladies, why would you wear a bikini if your stomach completely hid the bottom and your boobs were falling out of the top and your upper arms were sliding down over your cleavage? That is NOT attractive. NO no no no no. Cover that up. Please.

That reminds me, I think I'll rewatch "Shallow Hall" again tonight. That scene where she throws the gigantic thong underwear at Jack Black absolutely cracks me up.

Thong underwear. "Cracks" me up. Oh man, I'm hilarious.

And thank you, Farrelly brothers, for NOT showing us the thong underwear ON the fat Gwynyth.

I think I'll go into the kitchen now, crank up 'Shallow Hal,' and have a few Hostess cupcakes.

The chocolate ones, with the squiggles on top.