Friday, November 05, 2004

So I lose my cool in a rampant rant. Big deal. You want to fight with me, Salesman? Bring it on.

I've been Blog Surfing for about twenty minutes, and I've found maybe ten good reads. Thank you, good reads. I love Blog Surfing. I love reading about other people and the way they are dealing with life. I think Blog Explosion is awesome, and I spend wayyyy too much time on it. And I don't care, because I'm finding truly great people out there, with original ways of dealing with life. There is inspiration out there, and help, and examples (good and bad.) Blog Explosion is helping us see that we are not alone. Nosy people from all over the world are enjoying this little pry into the windows of other people's lives. Even those few clunkers' lives are sometimes fun to read, too. I love almost everything about Blog Explosion.

However, there are a few things I do NOT love.

Advertisements.

So, I've also started something else:

A list of businesses I will NEVER use.

That's right, businessman-who-thinks-nobody-will-notice-an-advertisement-if-it's-disguised-as-a-blog.

How stupid do you think people are? I don't LIKE YOUR ATTITUDE. Do you really think bloggers are so stupid that we will waste our time giving your ADVERTISEMENT thirty seconds of our time? We don't want to read advertisements. We want to read people's lives. We surf to find PEOPLE, not your condescending sales pitch.

And if you find that I have lingered on your site for more than thirty seconds, it's not because I'm paying attention to your sales pitch. It's because I have taken the opportunity to click on a banner and go somewhere else. Or, if the banner is also an ad that thinks it's in disguise, I've left the room to get a sandwich. Anything to get away from you. Because I hate you and I hate your product and I hate your assumption that I'll read anything if I think it's a diary.

Your product might be your life, I concede that point. (you sad pathetic person) But I don't care about your product. I will never buy your product because you are a bad, bad businessman. You have intruded into a place where you do not belong. You are trying to fool me. It won't work. I don't care about your product. I despise you for your attempted deception.

You salesmen who think your ad is going to fool us into thinking you're a blogger: I hate to burst your bubble but you are not fooling anybody. Except maybe yourself. Get off the blog circuit.

Buy a radio ad. Or a newspaper ad. Go anywhere else. Just get off Blog Explosion. You're not a blogger. You're nothing but a salesman who thinks he's on to something with all the blog exposure. Well, you're getting exposure all right. You're being exposed as an ignorant condescending prig who thinks we are potential customers because we're having your ADVERTISEMENT poked in our faces much against our will. The reality is, you are driving customers away with your attitude.

Advertisements that are trying to disguise themselves as personal blogs are pretty feeble attempts. Your used-car-salesman pitch looks really stupid, written down. I hate to break that little piece of news to you, but your blog sucks. You're not fooling anybody but yourself. Fire your writers and hire new ones. Buy that ad in the newspaper and quit pretending you're a blogger.

You are making people hate you. Inform your boss.

(I also dislike blogs that are nothing but politics; I consider those a kind of advertising too. But I can endure them. Oh, and those blogs that are supposed to be some kind of inspirational, motivational, life-changing, mystical experience? I hate those, too. )

Tell me how you personally are dealing with life and its issues. That's what I like to read about.

Now is the time on Scheiss Weekly when salesmen and motivational speakers and politicos gang up on an old lady and blow their own horns in her face.

Blow all day. This old lady thinks you suck.