Sunday, October 31, 2004

Every year I make big personal sacrifices for the sake of the orphans.

The trick-or-treating is over for another year. Now, if only there was something I could do with all this leftover candy. . . . . Hmm, think, think, think. . . .

Something charitable. Something practical. Something that would benefit mankind.

However, nothing of that sort comes to mind, so I guess I'll just eat it myself, like I do every year anyway.

Well, it would be awful to let it go to waste!

Therefore, I'll let it go to waist.

All that candy wouldn't be good for the orphans anyway. It would rot their little baby teeth, and send them reeling with hyperactive sugar-highs that would frighten baby animals and piss off the nuns.

Sigh. So I will make my usual Octoberly sacrifice and save them from the dental potholes of refined-sugar-hell, and protect them from the wrath of pursuing nuns and the mothers of little terrified squirrels.

I feel so heroic.