Thursday, September 28, 2006

Hello, Is It Me You're Looking For?

I got another one tonight.  A phone call from the Alumni Association.  Don't calls like this fall into the "Do Not Call" category?  Apparently not. 
Hark, they need money.  I'm so surprised.
"Hi, my name is Muffy McFreshman, and I'm calling from YOUR ALUMNI ASSOCIATION!  How are you this evening?  I wonder if this rain will ever stop, don't you?  Golly, the golf course was nearly deserted this afternoon!  Now, we know you're been out there for a while,  making a lot of money, thanks to the degree this university gave you all those years ago, and don't you think it's time to give some of it back?  I'd love to take your contribution tonight!  Don't you think $1,000 would be a nice beginning?  You can always raise that amount, if you like!  That's a lovely beginning, don't you think?"
I do, Muffy, I honestly do.  When may I expect your check?  My mortgage is due in a few days. 
Oh wait, were you asking ME to send YOU that amount?  I'm sorry, I couldn't raise that amount if you gave me a year in which to try.
My parents sent four kids to this university, and three of us have graduate degrees.  One of us has a doctorate.  I sent my daughter to this university, and now she's putting herself through graduate school.  My son would like to go, but we can't afford it, so he's biding his time getting a degree from my small college till he can transfer the credits and go to the big one. 
I think this university has enough of this family's money. 
Also, your Alumni Magazine is boring.  I read it when it comes, because I read everything that crosses my path, but really, you're hurting your cause by printing all those articles about rich alumni, golf, and foreign exchange students who fall in love with America and intend to stay here forever.  I mean, all that is nice, but it doesn't really have anything to do with me.  I can't relate to people who have enough money to cover their bills, let alone live in luxury.
Now, if you had articles about how to pay your bills when even a graduate degree isn't bringing in enough money to cover the mortgage, that would be helpful. 
It might also be easier to believe the Alumni Association needs money if I hadn't seen that huge, gorgeous brand-new building they're just built for themselves.  That thing is enormous, and it really is beautiful.  Those windows!  All that stone!  You should be really proud of that building.
And you can buy your own darn carpet and wall art for the inside.
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Posted by Mamacita (The REAL one) @ 6:56 PM | |


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